My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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