In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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