If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
