I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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