We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
