i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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