Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
