he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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