What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
