before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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