Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You ruined the universe
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
