he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
