everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
