with your own penis?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
