The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
