So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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