It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize