And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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