I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
