Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
