Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
