Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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