Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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