nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
