I want to have your abortion
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize