God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
