I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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