have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
