she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize