Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They took my balls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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