some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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