I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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