Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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