remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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