I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize