When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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