thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
