You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
