mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
