In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
