i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
