They should really pass out barf bags in church
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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