My liver just broke up with me...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
4 words: hood of his car
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
