It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want nice things and good sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
