last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
