I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
