I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
