Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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