Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
