If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
