using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
