If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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