Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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