dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
