I think I won the penis lottery.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
