I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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