I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
