Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
