just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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