I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
