Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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