Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
