my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
