I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
