i was born a porn star she said
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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