i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
