'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
