Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
