My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
