i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
